first published on May 3, 2017 by Sean
Picture this. You’re out with your friends, doing a little jihad in Syria. When it suddenly dawns on you that this would be a perfect time for a social media status update. Even more legendary than that, your followers would just love a badass video of some bravado and a big gun. I mean this is the Syrian Civil War, all the cool kids are doing it, aren’t they? #epic
“Give me your PK” you say to your closet comrade, after you’ve quickly framed the perfect “shot” in your “head”. You quickly set your smartphone to record video. #ironic
“And take this” as you make the exchange, handing over the social media tool for social media gold. You stress the importance of getting everyone in the frame before your inevitable journey to YouTube royalty. Perhaps some girls back home will show you some ankle for this one. #girlsequalsgoats
You confidently if not ignorantly stand, exposing yourself above the small berm and give the universal wave to begin filming. “I hope he gets the whole thing” you think to yourself, and before you open fire. #carefulwhatyouwishfor
You unload. The rounds fly off into the air harmlessly, but who cares? This isn’t about shooting people. It’s about looking cool, while you look like you’re shooting people. And right now, you’ve got that in spades. The gun finally goes dry, and you’re already thinking of which tags to use. #waitforit
Of course, he probably doesn’t feel the well-aimed round that enters his brain, sending his ballcap flying into the air and dashing his social media dreams. From the looks of this video, his brain probably wasn’t functioning well anyway. Fortunately for him, he was still logged into all his social media accounts, and his friend could properly post a “Not Safe” status in his absence. #darwinhatesthestupid
In another small twist of irony, he may still achieve his ambitions of wide spread internet notoriety, thanks to his heartless friends who posted his death on the internet.