Historical Vindication for All: Roman Legionaries Carve Ancient “Phallus” Graffiti Near Hadrian’s Wall

first published on March 1, 2019 by

Photos of a recent historical discovery made in England showcase Roman legionaries ancient phallic graffiti carvings near Hadrian’s wall.

Photo courtesy of Jon Allison, Newcastle University

We’ve all seen it – hell, most of us have done it ourselves. Adorning the walls of every head or latrine, waterproof notebook, unguarded white board, dirty rear windshield, and most recently, even in the sky above. There lies a nice big penis etched for all to see and admire. Thanks to a recent discovery in England at an ancient Roman stone quarry, complete vindication for every infantryman who’s dared to immortalize his own phallic ideals.

Thanks to archaeologists from Newcastle University in the United Kingdom, a recent discovery sheds unmistakable light on what we all anecdotally knew was an age-old tradition. Warriors will draw a penis on anything and everything – even to the chagrin of senior officers, confused civilians, and significant others.

According to Historicengland.org, “These inscriptions, known locally as ‘the written rock of Gelt’, were carved by soldiers quarrying stone for Hadrian’s Wall. The series of inscriptions and graffiti made by Roman soldiers give us clues about the military units involved in the work, as well as the officers in charge of the quarrying.”

Photo courtesy of Twitter

It continued, “One inscription, ‘APRO ET MAXIMO CONSVLIBVS OFICINA MERCATI’, refers to the consulate of Aper and Maximus, and dates the inscription to 207 AD, a period when we know Hadrian’s Wall had a major repair and renewal programme.”

The discovery solidly marks at least 1800 years of marshal bias towards penis graffiti, and furthermore, such penises were actually a Roman sign of good luck. With erosion threatening this significant piece of military history, the archaeologists plan to use laser scanning technology to create a digital model of the site and preserve it indefinitely.

Photo courtesy of Jon Allison, Newcastle University

We salute and thank those Roman grunts who, centuries ago, carved penises into stone and inevitable our hearts with the video below. Our modern incarnation of the age-old military tradition – the sky penis.


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