Meet Darth Achmed – Jihadi Sith Lord of Destruction

first published on December 22, 2017 by

Meet Darth Achmed, the Jihadi Sith Lord of Destruction. When he isn’t busy using the force to influence small four-legged mammals, he spends his time becoming an expert with his double bladed lightsaber. In order to become a true master of the Sith arts, one must first practice on regular people using a stick. This is the training video that was created before Darth Achmed went on a rampage and took over the entire Middle East.

Darth Achmed 1

Move over Darth Maul, there is a new Sith legend in town. Meet Darth Achmed, the true Sith Lord and master of the entire Middle East. He started his training in the late 80’s fighting Russians in the mountains of Afghanistan as a young Padawan Mujahideen. Here, he learned the secrets of immortality, and fought in every war leading up to the Global War on Terror.

During the Global War on Terror his power grew too great. He became obsessed with power, anger, and hate. He was turned to the dark side, and continued training under the Sith Lord, Geronimo. In the summer of 2011, the mysterious death of Lord Geronimo was credited to the storied SEAL Team Six from the United States. In reality, this was all a mind trick put on my Darth Achmed after he killed his master to become the true Sith Lord of Destruction. It is rumored that the death of Lord Geronimo took place in the middle of a SEAL Team Six raid.

He convinced each and every American Navy SEAL that they had completed their mission. The true story however, looks a little bit different.

Darth Achmed 2

As the SEAL team descended in their helicopters, Lord Geronimo took one down using his power over the force. The helicopter crashed, luckily none of the Americans were killed or injured. When they exited their aircraft they were confronted by Darth Achmed, who used his powers over the force to influence the simple minded SEAL Team into submission. They sat on the ground cross-legged and did each other’s hair as the true event unfolded.

Darth Achmed moved into position. He convinced Lord Geronimo that they needed to flee the scene because the Americans had brought their best men, and they were outnumbered with impossible odds. Lord Geronimo bought this story, and it is sad that when he turned his back to collect his things, Darth Achmed sliced him in half, and made his escape as the new Sith Lord.

The SEAL team didn’t fully understand what happened when they came out of their daze, but the American government had seen everything from their shoulder mounted cameras. Darth Achmed had convinced the SEALs that their raid was a success, and that they had killed Lord Geronimo, and all of his men in a furious gun battle that should have no less than three books, and two movies written about it. Then he disappeared into the shadows and was never seen again. The American government went along with the SEALs stories, and used the Death of Lord Geronimo as a staple to push their own political conquests forward.

Darth Achmed

No one has seen or heard news of Darth Achmed, Sith Lord of Destruction since that day. Rumors have spread of his existence in some small circles, but most are written off as conspiracy. The footage you are about to watch was recorded during Darth Achmed’s time as a young Padawan Muj fighter. He is training with a stick, because it is believed that during the early days of the lightsaber, no one was skilled enough to begin their training outright welding the weapon until they had reached a certain level of mastery in martial combat.

This is the only known footage of Darth Achmed.


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