first published on September 10, 2018 by Will
“How’s the Army treating you?” It’s the classic question you get asked by your friends and family right after you complete basic and get to your first duty station.
The first casualty of your military career is your expectations. You think you’re going to be doing intense repelling, parachuting, and battle drill training every day, but you find out quickly that you’re actually training to become a master of the custodial arts… or a janitor if you want to be a dick about it.
Before I joined the Army, I would get excited when I saw a military Humvee. After joining, I realized they were poorly designed death traps that have no redeeming qualities. Does anyone remember “AWOL rocks?” Hours a day spent picking rocks out of the grass and returning them to their beds was a soul crushing task.
You’d think jumping out of an airplane would be awesome, but after sitting in full harness, straddling your buddy for five hours on a blazing hot tarmac, while having to piss the entire time… you begin to understand that the military could suck the enjoyment out of anything and replace that enjoyment with disappointment, misery, and regret.