first published on May 25, 2016 by Will
The Afghan Taliban have wasted no time in appointing a new leader after a U.S. drone strike killed Mullah Akhtar Mansour in Pakistan over the weekend.
Haibatullah Akhundzada has been named “commander of the faithful” with little to no arguments from the rest of the shura council. Akhundzada is estimated to be around 60 years old and is a founding member of the Taliban. Before the Taliban government was ejected from power in 2001, Akhundzada was in charge of implementing strict Sharia law on the local population.
Little is known about the new commander’s personal life, but it would be safe to assume that he smells like a bag of smashed assholes and shouldn’t be left alone around farm animals.
Last year was the most violent year in Afghanistan since the American invasion, and 2016 is shaping up to be even worse. It is not yet known if Akhundzada will be willing to join peace talks with the Afghan government, but it is unlikely.